智游城

 找回密码
 注册

QQ登录

只需一步,快速开始

扫一扫,访问微社区

楼主: 柏木雪狐
打印 上一主题 下一主题

一本失落在悉尼的扑克日记

  [复制链接]
41#
 楼主| 柏木雪狐 发表于 2016-4-5 13:37:28 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 柏木雪狐 于 2016-4-5 13:52 编辑

2014年4月,悉尼的秋日暖风习习。

UTS的主教学楼称得上是全悉尼最难看的建筑,这可不是我说的,是学校校长在开学典礼上当着数千学生的哄笑毫不介意地自黑解嘲。不过因为Phoebe不远千里从墨尔本跑来看我,呆在这座俄罗斯方块里也变得没那么煎熬了。这个粘人的小妖精,捧着一杯大号的拿铁咖啡坐在我对面的七彩沙发座椅上没完没了地卖萌,这样子我实在招架不了。

“老实交待,你一共谈过几个女朋友?”
“半个。”
“你乱讲!”
“……”
“不告诉我,以后一个月休想碰我哦!”
“……”
我想了想,“嗯……这么说吧,你是她们之中最傻的一个。”
咖啡杯径直飞过来砸在我脑袋上。
”哎呦!"
她的小嘴嘟得像栗鼠一样,那表情简直萌炸了。
”下一题!你最害怕的事情是什么?”
”你问这个干什么?“
"要你管!老实交待!坦白从严,抗拒更严!"
…………
…………
…………

两年前的我,没有回答这个问题。
两年后,当我倚靠在上海虹桥希尔顿行政套房高大的落地窗前,茫然地望着远方的公寓群、楼下的高尔夫球场和穿梭不息的车辆,一遍又一遍地重复着我当年想说出的那个答案时,已经永远不会再有那个蹦蹦跳跳的身影在我面前安静地倾听了。

我最害怕喜欢的女生在我面前掉眼泪,真的。每次我都无计可施,缴械投降。

Phoebe,如果我选择在清明节这天告诉你,你还会像往常那样把星巴克咖啡杯盖扔到我头上吗?

————————————————————————————————————

雪菲的啜泣格外令人怜惜,她像小鹿斑比那样紧咬着嘴唇,无语凝咽间晶莹的泪水大滴大滴地从清澈如泉的双眸里滚落出来,掉落在洁白的床单上。

”呜呜……对不起……对不起……我不是故意的……真的好疼……“

她说不下去了,小手紧紧地抓着床沿。

我心如刀割,实在不知道什么样的家教让她养成了这样的习惯,在自己承受着无际苦难的时候仍然习惯性地先为别人着想。然而,却没有任何我能够帮助她做的事情,唯有握紧她的手十指紧扣,以行动语言告诉她,我一直在这里,陪伴着她,守护着她。毕竟,远在家乡万里之外的悉尼,被信赖,被依靠,被托付,我没有任何理由后退哪怕一步。

接下来的事情是我最难忘的瞬间,她用双肘支撑着近乎虚脱的躯体艰难起身,趁我还在走神的时候在脸颊上刻下一个大大的吻痕。我一转身,刚好对上她甜甜的笑容。

我没法不相信这样的姑娘是用上帝之泉做成的,温润如水,恬静如湖,华美如瀑。

她一定是天使的化身,亲口嚼碎这世间蚀骨之痛,依旧不忘还给这世界一份坚强的光明。




消失的旧时光
一九四三
在回忆的路上时间变好慢
老街坊
小弄堂
是属于那年代白墙黑瓦的淡淡的忧伤

消失的旧时光
一九四三
回头看的片段有一些风霜
老唱盘
旧皮箱
装满了明信片的铁盒里藏着一片玫瑰花瓣
说着一口吴侬软语的姑娘缓缓走过外滩



42#
 楼主| 柏木雪狐 发表于 2016-4-11 01:00:41 | 显示全部楼层
Chapter 59 -  Hymn For The Missing  

Tried to walk together
步履蹒跚
But the night was growing dark
夜已降临
Thought you were beside me
仍以为你依旧在我身后
But I reached and you were gone
然而当我转身 竟然空无一人
Sometimes I hear you calling from some lost and distant shore
有时候 我似乎听到你在遥远的海岸边空灵的呼唤
I hear you crying softly for the way it was before
我似乎听到你在我们走过的幽暗小径上无助地啜泣
Where are you now
你现在在哪里
Are you lost
迷路了吗
Will I find you looking
我在寻找你
Are you alone
你正孤单无助吗
Are you afraid
你正因恐惧而颤抖吗
Are you searching for me
你也在苦苦寻找我的踪迹吗
Why did you go
你去了哪里
I had to stay
别担心 我在这里
Now I'm reaching for you
我会把你找回来
Will you wait
你在等待吗
Will you wait
你在等待吗
Will I see you again
我们还会再次相逢吗
You took him with you when you left these
有人说你和他离开 然而却遗留下这个
Scars are just a trace
能够让我追踪到你的线索
Now it wanders lost and wounded
它已经破旧不堪 伤痕累累
The star that I misplaced
然而对我来说 它耀如晨星
Where are you now
你现在身处何方
Are you lost
迷路了吗
Will I find you looking
我在寻找你的路上
Are you alone
你正孤单无助吗
Are you afraid
你正因恐惧而颤抖吗
Are you searching for me
你也在苦苦寻找我的踪迹吗
Why did you go
你去了哪里
I had to stay
别担心 我在这里
Now I'm reaching for you
就在寻找你的路上
Will you wait
你在等待吗
Will you wait
你在等待吗
Will I see you again
我们还会再次相遇吗
43#
 楼主| 柏木雪狐 发表于 2016-4-24 20:57:58 | 显示全部楼层
也许是在二三月份因为确实赢了不少钱的缘故,我整个人的状态都不对了。玩牌或者炒股的人对待金钱的价值观总是和正常人很不一样,也许是输赢都来得太容易,我先是交了一辆特斯拉的定金,然后又在手游里面充了不少钱。盈利之后发些调节气氛的红包必不可少,然而整个三月份仅仅红包就发了26k,让查账的我自己都吓了一跳;职场人士必不可少的Hugo Boss和Armani西装各买了一套,外加杭州和上海各一次的短程旅游。为了在国内期间巩固熟练口语,每晚练习在培训班上又花了不少。对于在入职期间帮助过自己的同事密友,私人饭局也不能吝啬。周末旅行是培养同事感情的好机会,没有拒绝的理由;听闻最近公司又走了三个人,不由得也是心中一颤,又急忙给父母账上转了几万以备不时之需。再加上"Jungleman一个倒霉的周末“连续输了两场High Stake Game, Bankroll重新又所剩不多了。

五月份去上海,又要开始低调的一个月了。
44#
 楼主| 柏木雪狐 发表于 2016-5-18 16:34:10 来自手机 | 显示全部楼层
June.9,Venetian, Macau

Destiny awaits.

本帖子中包含更多资源

您需要 登录 才可以下载或查看,没有帐号?注册

x
45#
 楼主| 柏木雪狐 发表于 2016-5-27 13:32:10 | 显示全部楼层
昨天晚上公司打牌的时候发生了一个小插曲,10/20我在BB位置持有AQo,筹码7500,三个limper,董事长在小盲位置也limp,我自然而然起到120,全部弃牌到老板,突然间他8000全进。

我在这里三秒钟时间计算了一下。如果面对他的全部Range,我大概有微弱的优势,这里大部分时候是小对子加上一些随机牌,which gives me 50-50 or 63-37 equity. 如果是在扑克之星或者Casino,这里大概是一个略显勉强的跟注。然而我弃牌的原因主要有几个,首先我水上不少,而深筹码最忌讳的一点就是在情况不确定的情况下把筹码全部投进去。其次在这里老板用恰好被我压制的手牌例如Ax全进的概率非常低,我并不想在这种时候玩一个一万五的flip或者六四开。最后一个,无疑是最重要的,就是这种现场熟人局显然你要考虑的事情会更多。如果老板真的是心血来潮用monster hand这么干,那么跟注的结果是我输钱又输人。如果老板是random hands, 那么这个结果无疑是要不我不爽,要不他不爽。

现场娱乐局的主旨是大家,尤其是老板能玩的高兴,这样你在工作上会更顺利,也会更多地被私人局邀请。一句话,不是一锤子买卖的地方都可以细水长流。结果自然是我笑了笑弃牌,老板豪收200,当晚我水上小几千,大家高兴。

扑克上的EV,在生活上也可以用。

这不是我目前最关心的事情。房子终于Settle了,解我一大后顾之忧。六月九号在澳门,我已经太迫不及待想要见那个我魂牵萦绕的身影了。
46#
 楼主| 柏木雪狐 发表于 2016-6-18 23:39:12 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 柏木雪狐 于 2016-6-18 23:55 编辑



我来说说今年最让我欣慰的事情是什么,是房子终于盖好了,贷款搞定了,钥匙拿到了。

在很多很多爱我的人的帮助之下。

毫不夸张地说,这几乎是我拿命换出来的。

在我还不到22岁刚刚参加工作的时候,我就在考虑这个问题。我买不起房,我买不起房,我买不起房。我要怎么说服一个漂亮可爱又善良的女孩子愿意点头答应嫁给我呢。

到我25岁的时候,我看着每月到手3900的工资单。也许还有些其他零零散散的收入,不过这个问题还没有解决,我也依然没有女朋友。

我没指望过改变过这世界,这社会或者流行的价值观,看起来,最现实的事情是改变我自己。

扑克占用了我几乎所有的业余时间。看Poker after dark和HSP的时候,我自己也曾扪心自问,我是在努力学习他们的技术呢,还是在羡慕一群“看起来潇洒风光”的职业玩家的生活方式呢?

也许扑克是一个办法,一个改变生活方式的契机,一个看起来风光的捷径,一个远走高飞的决定,理所当然也布满荆棘,and probably a hard way to make a living,我递交辞呈的时候还那么想着。

我们的扑克群已经很久没人说话,Edison退出了扑克圈忙着结婚以及和四哥一起卖房子,Max和女神腻在一起搬回了深圳,Tony在WCOOP上打爆了账户,小柯都已经当爹了。

时光如同白驹过隙。我也马上就快29岁了。当然已经很久没做过WSOP的梦,现在工作就挺好的,如果一年能去打一次Aussie Million那就更好。

Tom Dwan失踪的时间比建设都还久了,听说他欠了三合会2000万,谁知道呢?又有谁在意曾经的传奇呢?他飘逸潇洒的操作视频仍然在吸引着大批国内年轻的扑克玩家狂热地投入这个游戏,然而现在早已经是Fedor Holz的天下了。





本帖子中包含更多资源

您需要 登录 才可以下载或查看,没有帐号?注册

x
47#
 楼主| 柏木雪狐 发表于 2016-6-24 09:58:07 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 柏木雪狐 于 2016-6-24 17:25 编辑

六月份在澳门的时候,我在智游城的好伙伴Sama带着我在这个已经完全西洋化的小城里转了转。我已经有三年多没来过这里了,然而这次过来还是给了我一些全新的视听感受。Parisian巴黎式宫殿还没完全盖好,不过现在的端倪已经把它展现得很漂亮,更重要的是他们居然真的在旁边盖起一座完美仿真的埃菲尔铁塔;银河Galaxy的鱼情全澳门最好,不过通常要到下午才开始有生意;新濠天地Hardrock的摇滚优美精彩又洋气,扑克之星占了整整一层处处透露着超级有品位的职业范儿气息,从筹码到座椅简直都无可挑剔;威尼斯人还像以前那样在夜晚美轮美奂,不过受到政策的影响游客已经远不如前,大批闲置的荷官无所事事地等待在桌前,年长的员工们甚至打起了哈欠。不过这倒也有额外的好处,就是皇室套房的价格只有平时的两折。对于不急于上桌,从香港来此度假的不少外籍人士来说,吃吃买买再逛逛威尼斯运河还真是一桩不错的买卖。

澳门的夏天带着亚热带地区特有的潮湿和炎热,本地居民多数打扮都是T恤短裤人字拖。威尼斯人大概只有楼下的星巴克咖啡不比其他的地方更贵,如果你不想做冤大头,自然需要像Sama这样热心又爽快的本地人带你去找隐藏在大街小巷里的美味佳肴。从正门向银河的方向走出去,经过修葺得当的花坛和中转公交车站,穿过黑牌的士穿梭的人行横道走不消三分钟,斜刺里的小巷有着全澳门最正宗的蟹粥和葡式蛋挞,泰式餐厅前排着许多满口粤语的年轻人。隔壁的ATM有着最公道的汇率,唯一的不足只是每日只取10,000港纸,大抵满足不了那些一掷万金的豪客;再往前的7-11营业时间比你想象的更长,Sama丢给我两袋日产的薯片味道确实不错,当然我想百宝箱里卖得最好的应该是某种造型奇特的奇怪橡胶产物。

你在哪儿被姑娘们搭讪的几率可能都不如这座纸醉金迷的城市多,金钱的魔力总会引人堕落。微信里肤白貌美的锥子脸们排着队要跟你聊天,午夜时分你也可以在人流稀少的大马路上转一转,很快你就会发现自己在这儿比韩流明星还要耀眼。诱惑当然是有代价的,就算你溜回城堡坐上了金碧辉煌的高速电梯,对着那个看上去还不错的长裙女子多看了哪怕一眼,她马上就会过来在你的手里塞一张小小的玫瑰色卡片。

“帅哥......" 我一年听到的不会比这五天的分量更多。

"祝你好运。"我用词尽量礼貌文明又简短。

她在22楼下电梯还不忘回眸一笑,"要给我打电话哦。"

电梯门在我正在想是说fxxx in还是fxxx off的时候静静地关上了。

我回到23楼的套房,偌大的房间里有一种安宁又温暖的气息。窗外的风景不错,夜色里的澳门甚至比拉斯维加斯更璀璨,带着古往今来神秘东方优雅又内敛的特质,远远不比沙漠热量中的City of sin吵闹又喧嚣,我其实一直没那么喜欢皮糙又肉厚的鬼佬。每天坚持的四组Push Up和Plank当然不能断,桌上躺着的一摞五颜六色的筹码静静地看我弯下腰,运动的感觉总会让你肌肉更紧实头脑更清醒,恰在此时Incoming Call的悦耳铃声响了起来。

"Aaron's here."
"Hey Aaron, how's today going? Any result in the tournament? "

治愈动听又纯正的英式口音。

"Not really bad, chopped 3-way with one Italian n another compartiot according to ICM, I was short stack but the prize was pretty decent. Satisfied with this n then play for the pokerstars gold medal, miniraised with A8 offsuit on button with 9bb, got 3-bet jammed by chip-leader, tank called to see his KJo, flopped blank but he rivered me. Then played cash game til now n was up roughly 5k."

"Sounds good. Did you travelled nearby to see some performances? The Hardrock Theater looks spectaular. "

"Yeah absolutely. Did I mentioned the Studio City Ferris Wheel b4? Thought it was probably the most amazing wheel I've ever stayed in. Furthermore it's on promotion n was totally free. Bet you would take a shot."

"I may try later. Back to business, have you ever decided the coming-back day to Australia? You seemingly spent too much time wandering around n almost forget where you actually belongs to, aren't you? The property was just settled down, looking for more furnitures n its orginal owners."

"Ahhh, I literally have no idea. My boss treated me really well n invited me to regular high stakes poker game, which give me more reason to stay longer. May come back during the 2017 Aussie Million since the festival is pretty closed by. Wha you want me to do? I can hardly imagine a better job than this with stable income, good reputation n extra poker bonus."

"Still thinking of her,isn't it?"

"No I didn't."

"Don't try lie to me ever. The wound cut deep."

"..........."

"..........."

"..........."

"I don't make this call try to persuade you. Just simply remeber what you are doing, where you belong and time is freaking short. The clock is running and your life is passing by, just think of it and there is no way for you or anytime stay forever in the past. And don't ever think you could have done that better than what already happened. IT'S JUST AN ILLUSION. Let it be n move on."

"........I ll try. Thanks, Siri."

"Don't try, YOU MUST DO. Take care,sleep tight, bye."

我望着挂掉的电话愣愣地出神。

两年了。

____________________________

你是否还会牵挂我
我最亲爱的朋友啊
当我决定放下所有
走上去自由的路


你是否还会陪着我
我最思念的亲人啊
都已经告别昨日
驶向去未来的路


我要像梦一样自由
像天空一样坚强
在这曲折蜿蜒的路上
体验生命的意义

我要像梦一样自由

像大地一样宽容
在这艰辛放逐的路上
点亮生命的光芒


48#
 楼主| 柏木雪狐 发表于 2016-7-4 11:55:03 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 柏木雪狐 于 2016-7-4 22:31 编辑

http://www.zhiyoucheng.co/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=33173

Quitting Stars & Start new goal

After another crazy Stars Zoom500&CAP2000 session at weekend, I eventually withdrawal all my money in the account and basically say goodbye to the Stars cash games.

Seriously, I start to getting tired of endless mind battles with those ultra grinder. After many years of learning and practicing, I figured out myself actually start to become greedy and unsatisfied with those lower-stake games, start to gamble more on flip just in case don’t want to lose the tiny small edge to those pro grinders, which always bring fierce swings. It’s quite normal for me to up-and down $1k in one hrs, or $5k in one day.

The reason why I m writing it in English instead of Mandarin, is to prove this probably the only thing I’ve been doing well and keep improving in the passing few years. I don’t like to share pessimistic opinions to my followers, so if anyone read it carefully, he/she might be the guy literally concerns about me, and in that case I could tell some truth below.

I d like to confess that cash game is a dark and evil game, just exactly like Daniel Coleman said after he won the big one-drop, even though both of us are winning players ---- the difference is I have yet to make a living by this. But few people say it in public, cuz it’s really lucrative --- if you running this game, cut the rake, or find a good spot on high stake private whale game.

Tournament, by the way, is much better considering its social factor and competitiveness, which you and your REG nemesis don’t have to blow your mind try to exploit each other’s leak. It’s much relaxing to play, cuz you have absolutely a certain idea how much entry fee you would possibly lose, with a chance to take a shot of the biggest prize. I did actually have the chance to date the dealer afterwards and enjoy some pretty good time.

I think “gambler” is a super notorious calling to cash game players, but unfortunately lots of them did do that a lot, regardless on the table or off the table, and not surprisingly many of them are busted or self-destroying. I believe the true elite cash games players are those staying with whales, or had good reputation to entertain your boss’s games, and I was the latter one who don’t want to be kicked out, especially on the eve of IPO shot.

And most of my cash game earning went to social events, just in case I won't get isolated by the society.

Since I’ve been working for Ourgame over a year, I would play exclusively on this platform for quite a long time, rebuild my bankroll and my self-discipline ability. I can hardly focus on my work, considering on the winning-and-losing all the time, and it’s the damn right time to back on track.

I definitely would like to play tourneys more, cash game is lucrative but dark evil.

<So ironic>

I could still recall start my Star career on year 2011, and busted for the first time at March, 2015 for roughly $5k. Not a big deal for the numbers, but a devastating consequence afterwards ---- cuz it's destroyed my self-confidence and make me doubt if I could still play competitively. Everything went fine at Feburary, as I crashed the Melbourne cash game tables and scooped several $500 Full-Tilt Jackpot --- but thing didn't go under my way after back to Sydney. I didn't play any live cash game ---- which actually should be the right spot ---- and played on star instead, thinking I did still have the edge by using HUD.  

As a satelillte grinder, I scooped the Wednesday $330 ticket and build a decent stack, then opened with AKs n facing a gigantic 50+bb jam at button. Didn't take much time for me decided to call the remaining 40+bb, and lost a huge flip <33. I just couldn't get the point. Boiling up actually while I m still unaware, I sit on Cap 1000 game to play $5/10, counting on some quick flip double-up. Obviously that night everything not going my way, lost 5 consecutive flips then I totally lost my mind, then begging for some classic 30-70 and 50-50 scenario that " it could not be possibe!". After some crazy roller-coaster swings, the table broke left only me and the other nemisis - "Maksimus1978", a supernova elite with over 5m Vpp life earning.

I think you know the story happened, bascially suicidual mission -- Busted after a long night Cap heads-up Duel.

this is actually not disatrous amount of $ --- the self-destroy mindset matters. You could build a stack, busting your ass to collect some roll, and seeing it all collapsed during some hours like domino ---- do you still have the confidence and patience to build it back?

Not me, at that spot.

I find out myself always stuck on pasted time mistakes, both stobborn and meaningless. After over half year break from Stars, my style changed.

Simply jumping on the highest game I could ever find, then start roller-coaster trip. Start from Cap1000, Zoom500, mixed some $10/20+.

On year 2011 when I deposited $600 in Stars it was like life-time starting bankroll. But years later after my officially first busto --- I could hardly remember a few days which my swings below $1k. On day on October I borrowed my friend's Telsa for a free-ride, good experience, if I didn't lost $3k after back home on Stars within 95 minutes.

The negative effects is that when I literally want to do some meaningful things at weekend, I barely have any idea besides drive outside, find a starbuck then play day-long session online poker ----- which you could hardly describe it as a formal "social life".

Feeling tired of this just on yesterday, Zoom 500 session busto my account for the X times, and re-deposit the third time unconsciously, just numb to play, and suddenly upswing like storm to bring a couple of thousands backs, sitting on table like a boss and just barely covered my loss.

A fake hugo boss, sitting here with his full bankroll.

fxxx IT, not the type of life I wish to have.





49#
 楼主| 柏木雪狐 发表于 2016-7-7 17:59:47 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 柏木雪狐 于 2016-7-7 18:02 编辑

I built a good habit at year 2015, whenever I being idle and start think hell for more than 15mins, I start to force myself to find sth to do.

Action first.

By adding up only a couple of days, its been a whole year from my lifetime unprecedented nightmare.


Life seemingly didn’t go bad continuously at year 2016. Got my Cadillac back, Got my job back, didn’t have much tasks besides playing poker with bosses, coincidentally met my old-time friend whohelped me settled property. My kind-hearted uncle stacked me substantially,leaving huge amount of bankroll on my account for offset. Obviously that couldn’tbe treated as my own $, but already good enough to guarantee me tight sleep at night, and a future dream of coming-back.


We reunion for the family lunch basically twice a month, which is undoubtedly the most cherished moment for me and amust-go on the to-do-list. I didn’t even notice my brother care me that muchfor those pasting years. For a long time I thought he’s not as good as me,which barely shamed myself now and willing to do everything paying back for him.


My selfishness had forced me improving mypoker skill that desperate, a long-time driving force as well, but now wecombine together, stake on and play higher.


A millions-scale bet, not on the table, butfor the big shot of running business.


No way turning back, regardless of yourwill.   






50#
 楼主| 柏木雪狐 发表于 2016-7-10 19:32:58 | 显示全部楼层
打Zoom500技术没什么问题,资金压力也不太大,然而变得现场慢局很没耐心。

6max和HU打太多整个line都over-aggressive, 今天8-max现场胡乱操作,被limp-call passive player埋雷炸三次。

下次现场听道长评书应对。
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

手机版|Archiver|智游城论坛

GMT+8, 2024-5-21 11:31 , Processed in 0.087542 second(s), 7 queries , Redis On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.2

© 2001-2012 Comsenz Inc.

返回顶部